Should I or Should I Not?

The fact that I am happy he texted me is undeniable. However, I'm still stagnant. I know he's more in love with himself than me, so I will assume he texted me cos he was bored. But I can't help wondering if what I'm doing is wrong. Am I the one who backs out on love? Is it really love in the first place, that thing he was feeling? Or am I just some sort of harbor for loneliness?

   Yes, I am afraid to love. To love means to give unconditionally, to let myself get hurt by the one I love. Loving is giving, and I'm afraid to give without receiving anything in return. So, is it really love that I'm feeling? I cannot stop thinking about him, no matter what he does, good or bad. Is this an obsession? Am I just obsessed with that person? Phew, I'm this really messed up. I'm so indecisive, and the important thing is that I don't have the confidence and courage to love him straight on. To make him mine. I don't think I'm ready for that, and I don't think he is, too.

   I can continue to wonder like this. And to never get any real answers when I can just ask him all along. What a coward I am. So, the question is, should I keep avoiding him or should I text him back? Should I keep quiet wondering to myself or should I share with him my miseries? What will I lose? What am I trying to prove? Help me. Why am I so stupid and blind when it comes to my happiness? Fuck.

   So, to anyone who comes across this post, I hope you can help this pathetic person that is me by sharing your opinions.

Blogger's Block

Hello. To say it's a block, now it's been almost 2 years. Gosh. Well, even now, I don't really know what I should say. There were good and bad things happening along the years. There were some great things and also some things I'm not proud enough to mention it here. There were other things, anonymous, started off quick and ended up the same way, and well, don't also forget the miscellaneous things. So, in general, my life is pretty much  a normal life.

   Okay, my arms are getting the cramps. FYI, I'm typing and lying on the bed at the same time. Good going for eye care. Let's get on with my recent life events. I just broke up with my 3-year old boyfriend. Reason: I love someone else. I am fuck, haha. Well, it's always better to tell the truth. It may crush him, but I know he's not weak. And for me, I may love someone else, but I'm not with anybody right now. It's my stupid proud decision. I decide to stay single for awhile. Yes, call me stupid. I know, too little info, but that's the best I can offer here. Okay, okay. My friends were not that surprised to find me breaking up with my ex. Hm. Let's leave it at that. And about the other guy, an old friend. Happened to get in touch, and weird feelings surfaced. In short, I am hopelessly in love with him, even though me, myself and I can't admit it, but I find myself constantly thinking of him no matter what he does. But since I've made my decision, which most of my friends don't agree with, I will continue my quest in WAITING for my one and only. Lol, waiting. I may take time to recover, and I can't open doors yet for the time being. But I will keep my options open. Yes, waiting, it's a phase, duh. I'm conservative, haha. And I'm not desperate, yet. I'm still happy though, 'cos I can still feel this feeling, falling. Sorry ex, but I didn't think I ever fall this hard with you. Ex is still nice guy, so I will always respect him and appreciate the nice things he did in the past.

   So, I'm thinking of finding a new job that suits my preferences more, but I'm too comfortable with my position now. Get your ass up from there and work it, girl. Hm, souds horny. Haha. I should remind myself, or let others take up that responsibility of reminding me. So much for the effort. It's a nice job and a nice place to work, but I'm someone who is easily bored. Harsh, lol. It hasn't even been a year yet. Maybe I'll get my ass up and going after a year. So, think about this later. Hahaha.

   I'm writing this post while hearing "Mau Dibawa Kemana". Reminds me so much of my fallen heart. Well, he introduced it, and it suits us for now. Nice song. I guess that's it for this time. Blog you later.