The fact that I am happy he texted me is undeniable. However, I'm still stagnant. I know he's more in love with himself than me, so I will assume he texted me cos he was bored. But I can't help wondering if what I'm doing is wrong. Am I the one who backs out on love? Is it really love in the first place, that thing he was feeling? Or am I just some sort of harbor for loneliness?
Yes, I am afraid to love. To love means to give unconditionally, to let myself get hurt by the one I love. Loving is giving, and I'm afraid to give without receiving anything in return. So, is it really love that I'm feeling? I cannot stop thinking about him, no matter what he does, good or bad. Is this an obsession? Am I just obsessed with that person? Phew, I'm this really messed up. I'm so indecisive, and the important thing is that I don't have the confidence and courage to love him straight on. To make him mine. I don't think I'm ready for that, and I don't think he is, too.
I can continue to wonder like this. And to never get any real answers when I can just ask him all along. What a coward I am. So, the question is, should I keep avoiding him or should I text him back? Should I keep quiet wondering to myself or should I share with him my miseries? What will I lose? What am I trying to prove? Help me. Why am I so stupid and blind when it comes to my happiness? Fuck.
So, to anyone who comes across this post, I hope you can help this pathetic person that is me by sharing your opinions.
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